Guilty as charged
by Shreve
Summary: What if Harry decides to screw everyone's plans? This story starts at his trial. Warning, he is rich and powerful! This was just something that popped into my head. I am trying to just write everything from Harry's point of view. My writing skill isn't the highest, so prepare yourself for grammar mistakes.
1. Ch 1 Guilty as charged

"Mr. Potter how do you plead?" Fudge asked. I could see the smirk on his face. That bastard had me backed into a corner and knew it. First Dumb-as-a-door told everyone not to talk to me. Then the bird watchers forced him to stay inside all summer. The one time I was able to get out, I was attacked. That is what has led to being here today. Well, time for brave noble Potter to go away. This calls for a slimy snake.

"Guilty!" I yelled. I held my head high as members of the Wizengamot gasped. They had not expected that. As I watched them, they all seemed confused by why they were here in the first place. A full trial for something this simple didn't seem right. The best face was on old Fudge. He went from cocky smirk to WTF in microseconds. It was time to up the ante. "I understand the maximum penalty is 30 days in Azkaban, correct."

"Correct, Mr. Potter." Amelia Bones finally answered. Looks like Fudge didn't know where this was going. Wizards and witches were all mumbling. This was not the direction anyone expected. I could tell Fudge just wanted to get me out of Hogwarts and remove me as a political obstacle.

"One prison is as good as another. I accept my punishment." I said with a clear voice. I held my head high as I walked toward the nearest guard. I even held out my arms so he could shackle me. It took everything in my power not to burst out laughing as the guard looked from me to the Fudge and Bones.

"Mr. Potter. The court hasn't reached that decision." Bones called out. This caused more talk. They were whispering anymore. Fudge was turning a bit pale.

"Under the old laws, a prisoner is allowed to ask for maximum punishment. I am currently locked away. So nothing will change for me. Please bang your little hammer and let's get this kangaroo court over with, shall we?" I again turned to the guard. He looked even more confused. This was starting to get fun. Fudge was now talking with that toad lady. Who wears that much pink to a court trial?

"I don't understand why you would want this, but it is your decision. This court finds you guilty of all charges. You are charged with 30 days in Azkaban. Your wand will be snapped. Your current enrollment in Hogwarts is hereby suspended." Bones ordered. I could tell she wasn't happy about it, but she always followed the law. I could also tell she really wanted to ask more questions about what prison I had been staying in all summer. "Do you have any last words before you sentence is carried out?"

I pulled two pieces of my wand out of my pocket. Even the harshest guard dislikes breaking someone's wand. "You were too late on snapping my wand. My Uncle did that weeks ago. As for Hogwarts, I don't go to school anymore. It is far too dangerous." That seemed to shock a few people. Haven't they heard about anything that has happened in the past couple of years? I guess not. "My last thing is to notify the Minister of Magic that all agreements with the my family are here by cancelled by actions against the House of Potter, Slytherin, Gaunt, Black, Gryffindor, Whitmore, Lincoln and Barton. SO MOTE IT BE!" Even without a wand in my hand, the flash of magic was clear to everyone. My aura even glowed for a moment. Looks like I might be more powerful than they knew.

"What do you mean by that?" Someone asked from the back of the judges.

Another judge stood up. He was over two hundred at least. His beard had that look of never knowing why they invented the modern safety razor. "You fools! Don't you know?" From the looks on their faces, that would be a no.

"Clearly, we don't. Why don't you enlighten us, Sir Remington?" Bones asked.

Fudge and the pink toad were talking again. They must have some kind of charm up. Cause he seems to be yelling, but I can't hear him.

"Can we go now?" I asked the guard. Another older guard finally decided to move in. He didn't slap on the cuffs. He just grabbed my sleeve and pulled.

I could hear that old knight errand telling the other old farts off. Seems they didn't know who I was after all. You would think that someone would have looked up my family line after writing all those books about me. Then again, I had no clue until I went to the Office of Family Affairs a few weeks ago. Plus they probably wouldn't have found the links to Slytherin or Gaunt. If only I had stayed afterward, instead of trying to get home before they noticed I had escaped. I would have enjoyed an evening of decent food, plus my wonderful relatives would have enjoyed a visit from a couple dementors.

The trip to prison wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Granted, these prison robes weren't made to be comfy. Who uses this much wool to make clothes? At least, I had tons of experience wearing clothes that are too big for me. The guards were shocked when I stripped. I don't think that young one had ever seen that many scars on someone before. Then again, he thought of me as some kind of hero of legend. Sorry to burst your bubble, but I'm just an orphan from an abused home.

Whoever invented port keys should have a swift kick to the family jewels. Normal port keys were bad enough. These high security ones are a whole new level of horrible. Normally, you feel like you are spinning around and around. This one felt like I was being slammed from one corner to the next. At least, the walls were padded. Well, not walls. But you get the idea. So after giving everyone a show and then bouncing around, I was finally at the docks to my own personal hell.

"I was thinking it would be spookier." I said. The two guards didn't even crack a smile. We were standing on a fishing pier. There were muggles all over the place. All of them were just fishermen. No security anywhere I could see. Then again, no one seemed to be walking near us or even looking in our direction. Sometimes you have to love magic.

"Shut it, prison Un Tir 187." One guard spoke. He clearly was not a happy man. I have to wonder if he did prisoner transport all the time. I still wonder why the magical folks have to be different. I can't just have a number. Nope. I have to two runes then a number. I had never taken runes, so I didn't know the weird N and broken antenna were un and tir. I just knew they were my new name. Yeah. I am just a number, no longer the famous wizard. Funny, I had to get sent to prison to understand what this feeling feels like. Why did I want this again?

They guided me to a fishing boat. It looked just like all the other fishing boats around. Well, it looked a little older. They had probably been using this boat since the 1950s. That was almost modern to most of the stuff I have seen wizards use.

"Watch your step." The younger guard said. At least, he seemed to be nice. I didn't think he would let me go. But I did ask for it. He saw and heard me do it.

Magic. That was the answer. As soon as my feet hit the deck, the boat morphed into an older wooden ship. It wasn't huge, but it was still pretty good sized. Then again, what do I know? This could be a mini battle ship for all I knew. The illusion was new. This termite haven was from the 1700s at best.

"Prisoner for transport." The old grumpy spoke to the captain. Aren't all ship bosses captain? Another old man, just how many old men were running around in the wizardry world? He wore one of those pea coats with a white cap. He even had a peg leg. It was like something from a bad movie. He was even complete with the white beard and pipe. I wonder if he would say ARRGG, me matey.

"Just one?" Cap said. How disappointing. He had a London accent. Amazing how just two words can let you know where someone is from. But then again, I'm bored. This wasn't nearly as exciting as I thought it was going to be.

"Yeah. Just the one. Can we go now?" Grumpy really needed a nap. Maybe someone had forgotten to give him his bottle. So now would be a good time for them to take me over to that little jail cell on the deck. Yep, this was going to be boring. Only they didn't. They took me up on to the front of the boat. I got to watch them drive the boat out of the bay. Or was it sail the ship? Whatever.

"Potter." Grumpy said. He looked like he really did need to go to the bathroom or head or whatever they call it here. "Why?"

"Why what?" I asked back. I know you aren't supposed to answer a question with a question, but I didn't know what he was talking about. A lot had happened in the past few hours.

"Why did you request Azkaban?" Oh that. Well, I guess he did have a point. Not many folks actually ask to be taken here.

"You want the honest truth or a just a good lie?" I asked. I didn't mean for it to be as cheeky as it came out. But it had to be asked. I can tell from his glare, he didn't find any humor in it. "I guess you want the truth. Well, sorry. I don't know you. So if you don't mind, I am going to enjoy the trip. I have never seen the ocean before, so this is a real treat to me." I'm not sure what he didn't like about that. It was simple and truthful. He did walk away mumbling about abuse and crazy kids.

It was neat. The magic in the boat/ship/giant raft just sliced though the waves. I thought little boats rocked more in the ocean. Not this one, it just powered right along. The guards didn't seem to worry about me jumping off or trying to escape. No one had cuffed me yet. From the looks of this boat, prisoners were normally shackled to those iron rings. I wonder what the sun looks like when it hits the horizon. I bet it is beautiful. Too bad it was almost noon.

In the distance, I got my first look at the infamous prison of Azkaban. Another let down in my opinion. I had this scary old stone fortress sitting on a rock in the middle of water. Instead, it looked a lot like an island. There were a couple building by the pier. Nothing that looked like the stories I had heard.

"That doesn't look so scary." I told the young guard. I should ask his name. But I really didn't care enough to ask.

"That is the isle of Azkaban. The prison is on the north side. But I wouldn't worry too much about that." He replied. Why shouldn't I worry? I really wanted to ask, when I noticed something in the water. It looked like a giant shark. Then I noticed more of them. Seven fins broke the water. I can see rivets in the metal of their flesh. These weren't live sharks. They were metal constructs. This was another protection around the island.

"I see you noticed the new golems." The guard pointed out. "After Black escaped, they had them created. 24/7 they swim the waters around here. You fall in; they will rip you to pieces." He looked absolutely glowing when he talked about those metal monsters.

"Right." I managed to say. He actually laughed.

"I'm just playing. They just shallow you whole. Then the guards can retrieve you without anyone getting hurt." I really didn't like his humor. Then again, we were talking about something over twenty feet long with lots of teeth.

The rest of the trip was more of the same. Nothing really to talk about. We got off the floating log that I want to call a frigate. We walked up an old road past some building from medieval times. There were some more guards around. I thought I would have seen a dementor by now. Aren't they the only guards of Azkaban? I know I read that somewhere. I wanted to ask, but grumpy was walking kind of quick. I think he had somewhere he really wanted to be and here wasn't it. I noticed he seemed to smirk whenever he glanced at me. He knew something I didn't. I have a bad feeling about this. Well, duh. I volunteered to a month of fun and excitement with dementors. What was my plan again?

Finally, I can see the great prison of Azkaban. This was more like it, a huge fortress on a hill. It even had a moat. I wonder what was in it. I still hadn't seen a dementor. Not that I was looking forward to it, but this was Azkaban. Scary monsters were supposed to be here. The brochure said so.

They took me to what I can only imagine to be the Wardens office. After all, the words Warden's office was written on the door. I had to look around. This was one of those one in a lifetime opportunities. At least, I would really like it to be the only time I get taken to prison. Sitting behind an old desk was yet another old man. His beard was more gray than red. Also, he should know that your hair is parted on top and not the side of your head. But I guess you had to have hair on top of your head to avoid the comb over effect.

"Jones, what are you doing back here?" So grumpy does have a name. Jones doesn't really fit him. McGrumpy pants would be more fitting. Also, the warden had a Scottish accent that no amount of speech therapy could hide.

"Prisoner transport." Jones replied. "Cailean Mór Caimbeul of House Campbell, may I present Harry James Potter, Tri-wizard champion, the boy-who-lived and most importantly Lord of Mull." He even did that weird salute thing the greeter does when introducing the Queen.

"Shawn, that isn't funny." Colin glared. (Cailean is Scottish for Colin. You can trust that because it is from Wikipedia where I stole the name.) "You know full well, that Lord Potter would never been sent here. Now who is it?" The warden finally got a good long look at me. I helped him out by moving my hair away from my scar. I would attempt to laugh as the old guy tried to stand while sitting under a desk without moving his chair back first. It looked like a controlled fall back into his chair. He even managed to throw his arms in the air.

"Lord of Mull?" I asked. I knew I had a couple titles, but that one was new to me.

"Sir Colin was born and raised under the shadow of Ban More on the isle of Mull. There is a small wizard community there. Not much to speak of really." The younger guard said. Jones handed Campbell a folder. I didn't see him carrying it. Must have had it up his sleeve. Again, magic is cool. The warden flipped it open and started to read while trying to stare at me. Neat trick. I swear one eye was on me and the other was reading.

"You plead guilty and wanted to come here? What in all the name of Merlin's undershorts made you do that?" Colin asked. Merlin's undershorts kind threw me off for a moment. Not the mental imagine ever want in my head. Because that lead me to other power wizards like Dumb-doors. Think of all the bright and just plain weird robes the man wore. Now picture his boxers. See it threw you off subject too. Is there such thing as mental floss? I need some STAT!

"30 days of freedom, sir." I finally said. From the look on the warden's face, that wasn't the right answer. I will admit I was surprised at the others reaction or maybe lack of reaction.

"You do know how prison works, right?" Colin asked. "Most folks would not consider that freedom. All right. Have a seat and tell me what in Morgana saggy tits is going on here." I do say this guy is starting to warm up to me. If for nothing else, I like how he curses. I have a seat. After all, once in a lifetime opportunity. I even stop to say a quick prayer about the once thing. That makes the second time today.

"What you would you like to know?" I figure there isn't any good reason to be snippy. After all, he has a lot to say on how I spend my next few weeks. That's when it hits me. The almighty headmaster didn't even show up at my trial. I guess he thought that no communication was for him too. I wonder what him and his minions' think of what is going on. Campbell speaking broke that line of thought.

"It says right here, you asked to be sent here. The transcript even mentions you picking this prison over your current one. My lord, I control the prison system in the UK. I know you have not or have never been in my prison." He even poked the page with my words on it. He must read really fast.

"The headmaster had me locked away in the muggles world. So you wouldn't have known about it." When in doubt, go with the truth. Even if that truth isn't quite correct from all points of view, but it was from mine.

I am not sure where the cup of tea came from, but I sure could use a cup. Over the next few hours, I told them everything. I'm not sure what else was in that cup, but it wasn't just Earl Grey. I'm not sure what was they found most shocking. You can take your pick from the forced slavery of a small child doing all that labor, the beatings, lack of food, my cupboard, or well a thousand other things. They even objected to my fleeing Hogwarts. Then again, they couldn't say much to my having to fight a troll, basilisk, dementor, dragons and even having to kill a teacher. I just had too many examples of how Hogwarts wasn't safe anymore.

The last thing the old warden asked me was if I knew what a trustee did. That is how I ended up here. I am sure the Gods are crazy. Only I could volunteer to go to prison and end up doing paperwork. That's right. I can't even be normal in prison.


	2. Ch 2 Life on the Rock

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

AN: My writing skills are weak. If that disturbs you, please alt-F4 now. I am trying to write this story from Harry's point of view. I sometimes mess that up. Some of this seems jumpy even to me. But I really don't want to work that hard on fixing it, so deal with it.

**Ch 2 Life on the Rock**

When I launched this plan, I didn't picture myself having to sleep on a couch. That's right. I don't even get my own cell. The warden let me crash in his office. At least, the potion in my tea didn't come with a hangover. I still can't believe he drugged me.

"Guid mornin!" Colin said. Great, I thought. Not only is he a night owl, but he is also a morning person. Isn't there some kind of law that says you can only be one or the other?

"Good morning, sir." I politely answered. Always good to be polite, especially when the person you are talking too can throw in a deep dark hole for a month. That hole could also be filled with some of the worst monster that mankind ever knew.

"Bones will be here this morning. So we can get you processed in the system." Colin said as he drank some tea. "Can't have you sleeping on my couch all month, now can we." He is way too cheery. I mean, he is the warden of the most dreadful prison in existence. Shouldn't he be more grumpy and mean? Something stinks and it isn't my socks. I noticed there was tea and toast on the coffee table. Hey, he even had my favorite strawberry jam. Two plus two isn't just four right now.

I noticed most of the other staff wasn't quite as cheery this morning. This is how people are supposed to act when the sun isn't up yet. Grumpy.

"Do you mean Amelia Bones?" I just had to ask. After all, Colin has been talking about sheep for the past fifteen minutes. Seems there are a lot of sheep on the Isle of Mull. I didn't even know there were magical sheep. No I'm not talking about the wizards and witches I know. Real sheep that went baaa.

"I think he is her second cousin." Colin replied. "Don't worry. They just have to do a quick medical checkup, de-magic you, and then you get your tattoos." What! I have to get tattoos! Come to think of it, Sirius has a bunch of odd runes on his chest and arms. Did he get those here?

"Tattoos?" I finally burped out. This plan is going pear shaped faster and faster. If the benefits weren't so helpful, I never would have tried this stunt. And as stunts go, this one is better than out flying a dragon on a broom.

"Of course. How do you think we monitor all the prisoners? Don't worry yourself." Colin smiled. "It only hurts for a few hours." Have you ever had someone tell you something that really doesn't help at all? If not, this would be a good example. I really think he is having me on.

We walked into a large open area. I remember one of guards from last night was standing by another old man. Seriously, what is it with old people working for the Ministry? Doesn't anyone ever retire?

"Old fart." Colin bellowed. "I got a prisoner for inspection." The older guy looked up at Colin's not so quiet words. I have to admit. He did kind of look like Madam Bones. They both have a monocle. I wonder if Susan will have one when she gets older.

"Must be special if it dragged you out from behind your desk. Don't you have minions do this kind of thing for you?" Bones adjusted his monocle. I think the lens changed tint. I wonder what magic it has in it. Now, why haven't I ever charmed my glasses? X-ray vision would have been real handy for getting some ideas about what was under those robes that Susan wears. That brings up a second thought. What is it about red-heads?

"Well, if it isn't the boy-who-lived." Bones said. "I heard about your trial. You have the whole ministry positively buzzing." I know those wand movements. Madam Pomprey does them for the basic diagnostic charm. I guess I am going to have to cough soon.

"Really, Willy. What rumors are flying around?" Colin asked. I was glad he asked. Cause I was still trying to get the thought of Susan asking me to cough out of my head, the big one that is.

"Did you know the cafeteria is staffed with Potter elves?" Willy asked. So his name is William Bones. I have to file that away in my head. There goes getting Susan out of my head. Now I'm thinking about a different Willy and a different Bones.

"No, I didn't." Colin replied. "So they left when Harry here suspended the agreements, eh." I really got to pay more attention. What elves? I guess I must have showed my confusion, cause everyone was looking at me. Or maybe, I was just happier than I thought. These were guards after all. They might think I have smuggled a wand in my pants.

"You do know that the Potter family owns the market, right?" Colin asked. I didn't get the whole packet of information the Office of Inheritance gave me. I only got to talk to my lawyer once before the incident.

"No." When in doubt, keep your answers short and simple. Uncle Vernon beat that into my head from young age.

"I didn't think to ask about your knowledge of your magical side." Colin mumbled. I could see he wanted to launch into a whole new investigation of all things me.

"So the processing." I asked. Another thing that dear ole Uncle taught me was how to deflect a question before it was asked. Who knew he was handy after all?

"Quite right." Willy Bones moved in and started his wand waving with a gusto. I knew the first two spells, but he lost me after that. Magic is truly a marvelous thing. He waved his stick over me. Lights and sounds appeared from no where. I wonder if they will ever make sense or were they only for a healer to know.

"What the hell happened to you?" Bones finally asked. I think he was a bit pale. Not sure which incident he is referring too. I'll just keep my trap shut. I just know Colin is going to speak up. "On the table now."

The next hour of my life is hard to describe. I think most of that was cause he dazed me. I wouldn't call it being stunned. I was awake. Did you know the ceiling spinning? Where did all these purple and orange birds come from? Yeah, the old man cursed me. Maybe cursed is a bit strong. However, he put some spell on me. I remember the time Seamus gave me some fire whiskey. It did something like this too. I think everything will be better if I could just get my foot on the floor. That would stop the room from spinning so much. I think it worked then.

"Well, Mr. Potter. You are going to get the full treatment today." Old Willy said. I still can't get over the whole Willy Boner name. Well, Bones. Did his parents not like him?

"What does that mean? I thought I would be chucked in a cell and forgotten." I said. I had a plan dammit. This was not what I thought would happen. Then again, my plan involved being driven looney by dementors. Maybe I should forget my plan.

"Me Lord. You are not going to go to prison. You are a short timer. So you stay down on this end of the island. Let's just call it one of the perks of being a trustee." Warden Colin informed me. "Doc here is going to give you a bunch of potions after we finish the processing." Wait a second. That wasn't the processing he was talking about earlier. I had to check out my chest. I had hoped they would have tattooed me when I was loopy. No luck.

"I found all kinds of the things wrong with you. Now I get to fix them." Dr. Bones said with a smirk. I would have to guess he didn't get to play real healer much. He led me into me into another room. I was thinking maybe this would be the healing station. Nope. It was a mostly empty room with a big stone donut in the middle. I looked closer to see more runes. Why didn't I take runes again? Mental note; read up on runes as soon as I can. They are everywhere.

"I always enjoy watching this part." The warden said. Have you ever had someone tell you that? It never ends well. I wonder if it was going to be embarrassing or painful. That was always the options, right?

"So I just walk thought the big Cheerio?" I was surprised they both seemed to know about the muggle cereal. I did see some confusion on the assistant's face. At least, one of them didn't seem to know more than me. I walked swiftly into the middle of portal. I saw the runes start to glow as I approached. Gryffindors march forward. Stupid idea when you think about it, but Gryiffs aren't known for their thinking ability.

Have you ever been stuck your finger in a light socket? How about have burning hot grease splashed on your bare skin? What about get hit by a car? Now all you have to do is combine all three of those into one painful event. That is what happened when that ring decided to do whatever that ring did to me. I know I tried to scream. Not sure if I did or not. I do remember hearing screaming. So I guess that was me.

I woke up to see a pure white ceiling. There is only one place that has those ceiling tiles and smells this clean. I should know. I have woken up in the hospital wing enough times.

"I see the impossible one has woken up." It was that healer again. I wonder what torture he has in mind this time. I tried to speak. I sounded like I was playing a zombie in one of those bad horror movies. "Don't try to talk. You managed to damage your nerves in your throat." Well, that was handy information. I would say I could feel the damage, but I hurt everywhere. It was a lot like when you hit your funny bone. Only I hit every bone, nerve, muscle and other bits all at the same time. I could see the Warden was here. He even had a couple of his minions with him. McGrumpy pants was back.

"Lord Potter. I am truly sorry about what happened." Colin said. What was he sorry about? "The cleansing portal has never done that before." I really remember thinking I was just like everyone else. I had my number. I had my prisoner uniform. Nope. Once a freak, always a freak.

"Let me explain. I'm Finlay Filch." I remember him. He was the younger guard from yesterday. "The cleansing portal is actually an ancient ritual artifact made by the Celtic Druids. They knew how to make things that last." I think I know where I had seen that nose before. "They used the portal to remove all magical traces before they started any of their rituals." I could see him draw a big breath. I have seen Hermione do that before launching into a huge diatribe about some injustice. I knew I had to stop him.

"What happened?" Well, that is what I tried to say. Not sure if they knew that. My tongue and jaw weren't on speaking terms with me. Get it? "speaking terms?" I wanted to laugh. It wasn't even funny, but right now it was comedy gold.

"No need for the historical lecture." Jones interrupted. Thank you, old guy number one. That was when I noticed I had an IV in both arms. I had never seen any magical folks using muggle methods before. Then again, muggles don't use purple or green liquids in their IV bags. I think I might have blacked out for a bit, cause that orange stuff was now yellow. Then again, it might have been yellow before.

"Back with us, I see." Didn't he have anything one else to bother? I watched the basic diagnostic charm make things glow. I don't remember seeing any glowing before. I should know too. I have had it cast on me enough times.

"Well, how is he?" That was Argus's grandson's voice. That was it! He has the same nose as the cranky old man of Hogwarts.

Have you ever listened to people talk about you like you weren't in the room? I find this annoying sometimes, other times it is handy.

"He is alive." Well, that was sure handy info. I guess this was going to be one of the annoying times.

"What happened?" I managed to say. I could see both men looking at me, so I knew something came out of my mouth.

"The cleansing did more than we thought it was going to do. One of the side effects is it resets your magic." What am I? You don't reset a person. You reset a clock or a VCR. I think he understood that he wasn't making any sense. So healer he turned out to be.

"I think you need a history lesson. Druids liked to be of pure mind and body before their rituals. The ring was a way of removing foreign magics. In essence, it removes your magic for a brief moment." Yeah, little Filch had to have been a Ravenclaw, cause that made no sense at all. Why would anyone want that to happen?

"Mr. Potter. When your hand passed into the ring, your magic lashed out. Something actively tried to stop you from cleansing. While I have seen someone's magic try, it has never stopped someone from going though the ring." Thanks doc. Now I want the kid to talk some more. What were they getting at?

"Wards." Oh look. It was the Warden. Could he be talking about the blood wards? I always thought those were just a good excuse for me to be stuck in the muggle world. "You have a bunch of really nasty wards anchored to your soul." That sounds like a bad thing. I looked around at everyone. I get the feeling they thought it was a bad thing too.

"Exactly!" Filch seemed excited about that. Why should I be concerned? Also, why do I have the feeling someone is going to shove me into the donut of pain again. "That is why you really need to give it another go." Damn. I hate being right.

"Don't worry, me lord. We have removed some of the anchors. We have also reset the ring." The warden didn't seem to be as concerned as I was feeling. Then again, he didn't have that dog chewy experience that I had.

"Just drink this. Don't worry about the ring. You don't have to do it again." I wasn't sure what the doc gave me, but he should patent it. Wow.

So it has been a couple days. How do I know that? Baby Filch needs a shave.

"I told you that you shouldn't worry." Colin was starting to get on my nerves. This whole experience was going in every which way but expected. I will admit to feeling much much better. When you compare to the feeling of being something a dog threw up, it doesn't take much.

"Alright, tattoo time." Seriously! What is with these people? I tried to move, but found I was strapped down to the bed. I looked around for the instruments. I've seen them on TV. All I saw was Filch carrying over a bowl. I really wasn't expecting him to pour ink all over me. I looked down as the ink didn't splash everywhere. It just covered me like tar. Of all the experiences, this was another one for the books. It was like that sport medicine the gym teacher used on my calf in primary school. First it was really cool, then it was really hot. That stuff is just weird. However, the muggle stuff didn't sting. I could feel the ink burrowing into my skin. OUCH! Why couldn't they have done this when I was still asleep?

"Don't worry. This will be over in a minute or two." Filch just went from odd duck to needing his head dunked in a toilet. I will admit to thinking it was interesting watching the ink travel under my skin. Oddly, it wasn't as painful as it looked. Runes formed in dark letters all over my chest and arms. I could the ink traveling under my belt. More and more runes covered me. I was going to make any sailor jealous by the time this was over.

"That is odd. Hey, doc. Come check this out." I saw Filch looking at the marks. My left arm was covered in what looked like tattooed scales. Doc stuck his face inches from my arm. He appeared to be playing with that monocle again. That's it. As soon as I get out of here, I'm getting cool glasses too.

"These appear to be scales, but the lines are a series of tiny runes. Odd." That wasn't what I wanted to hear. First the ring did something weird, now the funky magical ink did too. "Call, Sir Colin."

I won't bore with the next four hours of my life. I will tell you that I was suppose to get about a dozen runes to help track me. What I got was thousands of tiny runes that moved. My left arm looked like it was scaled. I will admit that was a neat effect. My right looked like a dictionary threw up on it. I was almost scared to drop my pants!

That brings me to my new home, the file room. Seems no one has thought to use any system in a few hundred years. My job as a trustee is to make some sense of all this paperwork. They really didn't think I was much of a flight risk since I volunteered to come here, so I didn't even get a cell. They had a spare bunk moved into a supply closet. It was just like home, only bigger. I think fate has decreed I will live in a cupboard.

It has been an interesting week. I was getting settled into my new roll. The guards left me alone for the most part. Filch liked to come talk to me about odd things. Did you know that some families lived longer than others? Turns out that Filch was actually Argus's older brother. I thought he was in his twenties. I was almost right, but I left off the first digit. Jones was actually in his nineties. The warden and doc were both just over a hundred. Goes to show you that you can't judge a book by the cover.

"Today, I want to copy the rest of your right arm." Filch was nothing if not interesting at times. I learned he was the official ward master of Azkaban. Runes and other squiggly lines were his only love. He also made improvements to those giant sharks. I had a couple nightmares after he showed me his newest design. Have you ever seen a cuddlefish? Look it up. Now picture one that is thirty feet long and made of metal.

"Do we have too?" I asked. I had nothing against knowing what was on my arm, but you try standing still with one arm raised for an hour or two. I would rather go back to paper cuts.

"Come on, lad. Where is your sense of knowledge? Just think, maybe there is a new scheme that has never been found before!" Filch was checking his work again.

The runes liked to move around. This was my only amusement during these sessions. I found if I thought about it hard enough, I could make them move faster or slower. The other rune scheme, that drove him nuts, was on my chest. It was a spiral. The runes would appear in the very center and travel outwards to vanish on the outer edge. It was kind of fun to watch him stare at the spinning wheel. I think it had some kind of hypnotic effect, cause after a while he would drool.

I saw Jones walking down the hall. McGrumpy pants was always full of fun information. We made eye contact. That was never good. He was headed my way.

"Get your shirt on. You have visitors." Now why did that sound like a bad thing. I really wanted to ask who it was coming to little ole me. My money was on the headmaster. After all, I just know I ruined all kinds of his plans.

I was taken into a meeting room. This is where the guards do their briefings. I have learned a lot about how Azkaban works over the past week. This building wasn't the actual prison. That was on the north side of the island. This wasn't a real island either. Some really powerful wizards ripped the top off a mountain and enchanted it. A couple thousand years ago, this place would have been flying around. Now, it just floats around the North Sea. This building was the administration building and quarters. Humans really shouldn't be around dementors. I guess it was cruel to the guards. The prisoners were another matter.

Well, what do you know. I was wrong. It was Fudge with his personal minions. I still don't know why any grown woman would wear that much pink. I see Weatherby is still chasing after his position in life, on his knees kissing backsides.

"Harry, my boy." Fudge started off with the personal touch right off the bat. This couldn't be good. I'm guessing he understood who he was messing with now. "How have you been doing? The dementors are leaving you alone."

I was at a crossroads. If I play nice, I could see what I could get out of him. If I play stupid, I could see what he really wanted. I could also go for the rebellious teenager, which I guess is who I really am.

"Cornelius!" I smiled a million watt smile that would make that fake Lockhart envy. "Things are going wonderful here in my new prison away from prison. How has things been with you." Let's play this up with drama and all my acting skills. Time to put him in his place. "Have my lawyers served the papers yet?"

"Yes they have." I could see the political mask drop over his face.

"Good. I like to make sure everything is above board. Can't have loans out between friends after all. Have you been eating well? You look a little thin."

That did it. All three of them glared at me. When I learned the Potters had been loaning money out to various families, I wondered where that money came from. It turns out that most of the wizarding world eats food produced by the Farm. Yep, that F is upper case for a reason. Wizards and witches have enjoyed cheap food for over eight hundred years. Whenever famine or war or any other natural disaster hit, food was the table at every magical home. All cause someone had thought to create a magical farm. Sure, some families had a garden of their own. But the average person could eat for a week on less that $2.

"That is why we are here." Weatherby still has that holier than thou attitude.

"Oh. I see you don't like the new pricing system? My prices are still lower than anyone else!" I had to smile. That was all part of the master plan. Granted the Azkaban part wasn't working like I had hoped; seems like the financial part was working like a charm.

"YOUR PRICES ARE TOO MUCH!" Boy did the toad have a loud voice. I discovered that the food prices had been locked for the past five hundred years. This made it possible for the magical folk to cut themselves off from the muggles so much easier.

"I do say! My prices will be beat anyone!" I really do like using my best used car salesman voice. "I even included a deal to match any other offer and beat it by 10% of the difference!" I wonder if they remembered that I grew up in the muggle world. Things are much different there.

"Lord Potter. You have to understand. The average family could live on two galleons a week before you changed the prices. Now it takes ten times as much money." Fudge was being the responsible one.

"Correct. But have you tried any other stores? I'm sure they will find I am beating them in pricing." I had them on the ropes. The system, which had been in place for years, relied on food being cheap. Now that was no longer the case. "You should have known who I was before trying to attack me."

"Now see here boy!" I see the mask as come off. "I will have you the deepest cell imaginable if you don't change things at once!" I actually had to laugh. He thought he had me over a barrel.

"Fudge. Don't you know that I can't make any business decisions while I am in prison? You helped put me here, so now you have to accept what happens." I made a show of nothing in my hands, then pulled some papers from my sleeve. It was a really bad imitation of a muggle magician magic trick. Too bad, they have never seen it done before. I watched as Fudge read over the first page. I could see the wheels turning in his head. I had him. He knew it. This was why I came to Azkaban.

"As you can see, here is proof that your office sent assassins after me." There goes the color from his face. Just a moment before he was mad, now he was scared. Dolores's signature on the forms to release two dementors into her care on the day of my attack.

"This can't be real." I can't believe how handy those psychology books were coming.

"That is very real. Now look at the next page. Those are my demands. I think you should get started on them as fast as you can." My plan was written out in plain ole Queen's English. Now Fudge understood why I asked for prison. If I died, the prices would stay high. So he couldn't kill me off. Tom and his buddies couldn't attack me here. The grand poo-bah couldn't reach me here. I was safe from three of my worst enemies. The minions knew it too. I watched as all three of them got up and left. I love it when a plan comes together.

I started to leave too. "Where do you think you are going?" Jones asked.

"Back to work." I answered. Where else would I go? Not like there was a lot to do around here.

"You have more visitors." Looks like I was right after all, the wacky wiz bang did come to visit. Why oh why does he wear robes like that? The bright purple was bad enough, but the little stars flying around made it even more ridiculous. I see he didn't come alone. A couple reds and walking shrub followed in behind.

"HARRY!" All the kids yelled as they charged forward. This is prison. Shouldn't there be rules about tackling prisoners?

"Get off me!" I yelled. "Do you want me to get strip searched when you leave?"

The girls looked ashamed, at least.

"Sorry." That was more than I expected.

"So what are you guys doing here? Don't you know you aren't supposed to have any contact with me? After all, your master is right behind you." I asked. I heard Jones snort in the background.

"Harry. I don't know what you are talking about." The fool actually did that eye twinkle thing with his grandpa voice. I shoved my old friends away from me.

"Really? Why don't I believe that one? Oh yeah, cause we all know what you want you get! Now why are you here?" I actually got a little bit of a thrill from that. It was fun putting people in their places.

"Harry, show some respect!" Hermione gasped at my blatant disrespect.

"Mione, you showed your true colors already. Remember when I called you? Do you really think that Death Eaters can tap into muggle phone lines? You told me not to call you again. I wrote to you. What did I get? My owl vanished." I spoke clearly and just loud enough that everyone could hear me. I must say. That was just a tad bit spooky going by the looks in their faces.

"Harry. Calm yourself!" Dumbledore ordered. His eye twinkle jumped into over drive.

"I am calm." I looked directly into his eyes. All the anger and rage started filling my core. I could feel power welling up inside me. My hair was starting to move like it was in the wind. My eyes glowed with untapped power. Those damn runes were going into overdrive. They felt like a million ants running across my skin. The air grew heavy as the infamous wards of Azkaban pressed down on me.

"HARRY!" Jones yelled. I could hear fear in his voice. He didn't know what was happening but it was obvious freaking him out. I could hear footsteps running toward us. Just as the door burst open, I stopped. That was a neat trick. I'm going to have to remember how I just did that.

The guards had their wands pointed at the visitors. They knew prisoners can't do magic. I smirked at the old manipulator. There were too many witnesses for him to do anything underhanded. I enjoyed the shocked looks as I calmly got up and walked from the room. I do love it when a plan comes together.


	3. Ch 3 Then the plan blew up

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter.

AN: My writing skills are weak. If that disturbs you, please alt-F4 now. I am trying to write this story from Harry's point of view. I sometimes mess that up. I know I have having issues with present tense verse past tense. I seem to switch between them without me seeing it. Also, don't expect me to update a lot. I just got a huge contract with Raytheon.

Ch 3 Then the plan blew up

I don't know understand this filing system. Who files with adjectives like bad, crazy, blonde or Greek instead of what they did or even their name. I think the guy was hanging out with dementors too much. I also have to wonder what was making a nest in the one of the filing cabinets. I don't think it was a rat. Rats don't make little doors or little spears. So it wasn't rats. I had to wonder if borrowers were real. Did I miss them in Care of magical creature's class? I doubt Hagrid would have taught about them anyway.

"Harry!" I knew that voice. The mad wizard of Azkaban was on his way to torture me again. I wasn't wrong that all people with the name Filch are crazy idea. At first, I thought he was a nice quiet guard. Oh boy was I wrong. He just played guard because he was in London that day. I also noticed that he seems to get crazier the longer I am around him.

"I'm not doing it" I greeted. There is nothing like stopping him before he gets started.

"I haven't asked you to do anything yet." Did you notice the 'yet'? I did. I tried to do the Snape glare. I think I need to get greasy hair to pull it off. Warden Campbell walked in. He had that 'I know something you don't know' smirk on his face. Why did I feel like someone who was about to be threw into a wall very soon?

"He has good news." I think it was the Scottish accent that made even that sound like I wasn't going to enjoy this 'news'. I turned up my glare a couple wattage points as Finlay shoved a bunch of sorted files off the table. I worked hard on those piles of paper.

"Hey!" I stated to gather the papers. What the heck was that? I could see little eyes staring at me from a hole in the baseboard. Those were not rats.

"Take a look at these charts." Finlay made that sound like I was about to see a gorgeous naked woman. I didn't see anything good. Those papers were full of runes and odd esoteric drawings. I bet these two old fools are going to use these to bash my head into a wall.

"What am I looking at here?" I am sure I mentioned I didn't take runes. These weird little lines make no sense at all. I just bet there is math hidden somewhere in all that mess.

"These are rune schemes taken from various rune stones here on the island." Again with the knowledge they should know I don't have. I listened to him blather on and on about this rune and that scheme. I guess the look of confusion was enough. "How about I show you one?"

"That sounds like a good idea." Confusion seems to be the emotion of the day. I really wanted to be mad and glare at people. Why did the stupid mad wizard actually make me curious? When in doubt, I will just stare at the confusing writing. I do believe I am going insane, because they almost make sense. If nothing else, this saves me from bleeding to death by a thousand paper cuts.

We walked down in the basement. I didn't even know this building had a basement. Ok. That is just a big rock with a bunch of those annoying lines on it. What's the big deal? Did I say that out loud? Guess not.

"Ok. What's the big deal?" They must see something that I just don't see. How do people just casually conjure a table? I can do it. I just can't do with a wave of my wave like sir wacko just did.

"See here." Why did he want me to study? Don't they understand I am in prison for crimes against society? I should be lying in a cell being bored. There was a plan. Granted, they didn't know my master plan. Right now, I'm not sure I know the plan either. "And see here." So the lines on the paper match the lines on the rock.

"Yes. That group of lines looks just like that group of lines." Who needs to study runes if all you have to do is match up lines?

"This is from your tattoo on your chest." Just the way he said it meant that was really important. Have you ever had a bad idea that you thought was innocent? I just had one. I reached over and touched the lines on the rock. Did I mention all those paper cuts? Blood plus runes equals PAIN!

I would explain to you what just happened, but I don't think there are words to discuss it. I was everywhere on the island at once. I knew where everyone and everything was located. I even found those little rat beings. Dementors were all over the north side of the island. Campbell wasn't kidding about the maximum security prison being a scary place. The dementors had a huge nest directly under the prison. I just can't wait for these nightmares about that place.

There was something else. Information and knowledge flew into my mind. All those runes were a language. Math, chemistry, physics, charms, curses, and various other magic were at my fingertips. Everything just made sense. I truly understood everything about everything. Then it was gone. Ever had that odd thought run through your mind for no reason? Well as that knowledge and power was ripped from my mind, I just knew I was about to wake up in a hospital bed. Then I fainted.

There is only one place that smells like a hospital ward. If you guessed that I was in a hospital ward, you would be right. I know I should feel in pain, but I didn't. I guess I should wake up because I can hear voices.

"What did you do this time?" Bones asked me. I jumped out of bed. I felt great. My vision was perfect. That annoying tweak in my back was gone too. This was great.

"Whatever that was, everyone needs to try that." I yelled. Finlay and Colin were looking at me like I had grown a second head.

"Are you alright?" Warden asked me. Why wouldn't I be? I ran in place for a moment. I rolled my shoulders, flapped my arms, and counted my fingers.

"Oh No!" I yelled. I held up my left hand. They couldn't see my thumb. "My thumb!" I know I was being a brat, but this was fun to watch their faces. I laughed when my thumb popped out.

"Enough!" Bones roared. I don't think he thought that was very funny. "Back on the bed." I sighed as I just knew he was going to do more tests.

"Sir, Fudge is back. He wants to Potter right now." I heard a guard say. I grinned at Bones as I dashed for the door.

"Can't keep the big man waiting, now can I?" I yelled as I raced down the hall. I could hear the old bone saw yelling, but I wasn't stopping. Hey. I just did break out of the hospital ward in a prison. That should be on my first of firsts.

One advantage of being a trustee was getting to roam around the complex. I knew where most of the doors went to now. So I had no trouble going straight to the old baby-kisser.

"Minister. How are you this fine day?" I saw no reason not to be happy. I think this was cause I was feeling just so damn good right now. I even grabbed his hand and shook it.

"Mr. Potter. Really!" I wanted to laugh, but I was too busy shaking his hand. I saw he had his entire minion crew with him. Why does the toad wear pink? I guess my observation skills are improving because those were the same robes fudge sickle was wearing yesterday.

"Have you thought of wearing green?" I asked the toad. She didn't like that at all. Then again, I was implying she was a toad. I wonder when Fudge started to glow. Then again, the toadies were glowing slightly as well. I wonder if I hit my head again.

"Mr. Potter!" Fudge really shouldn't yell. I think that is bad for your blood pressure. I look him directly in the eye. Eyes really are the windows to the soul. I could see him mind working. You would think an adult wizard would have more going on inside their heads. It really was empty in here.

"Minister!" I yell back. This soul gaze think is really freaking him out. I can see his fear building. I really can't blame him. My magic was crawling over his skin like a bunch of hungry ants. I think my eyes are glowing too.

"Potter! Stop!" That would be the warden. He was going to ruin all of my fun. I stopped my little magic show. I had a plan. I must stick to the plan. Now all I had to do was remember what the plan had me doing next. I dropped into a chair, put my hands in my lap and tried to muster up the most innocent expression I could. My magic even helped by making a glowing ring over my head. I really should think about trying out for a play sometime.

After a few moments, the whole group settles down. "Mr. Potter. I am here to tell you that your demands are going to be met. Now undo everything you did."

The plan was coming together. What was the next step again? "Great!" When in doubt, stick to one word sentences.

"I have a boat waiting. We can get you back to London so you can start on the paperwork." I think the Minister didn't want to hang out here on the giant floating rock anymore.

"I will out process Lord Potter at once." Colin reported. I almost forgot he was there. Oh look, Weatherbee is here too. Is that a unicorn too? What happened to me again?

The next couple minutes were confusing to me. I know we left the meeting room. I remember walking. I remember Sir Colin talking to me about goats. The goats are important somehow.

"Just put your hand in the bowl." When did Finch get here? Something is right. He is going to get me hurt again, I just know it. Why was sticking my hand a bowl? I know this isn't good, but I do it anyway. Pain. Here comes the pain. Nope. It was just a bowl. Nothing happened.

"Why am I doing this again?" I don't think they know either because that look only means two things; someone smart is talking or whatever happened shouldn't have happened. I'm betting on the second cause Hermione isn't here and Finch is trying to catch flies with his mouth wide open like that.

"The magical ink should have exited your body." I yank my hand out as fast as possible. I was right. He was trying to hurt me again. Bones is here. When he show up? Then again, I still don't feel right.

"Your magic is still in flux from whatever happened earlier." Flux is not a good word to hear when talking about my magic. Unless they add capacitor, cause then it would be cool. I am back in that druid circle room again. This room has a couple bad memories. I wonder what would happen if…

You would think someone would have noticed that I wasn't quite right in my head, especially when I took a running leap at the big donut again. It seemed like a great idea at the moment. That ended when I crossed the pain line. If you don't know what a pain line could be. It is a line that when crossed causes a lot of pain. My magic reacted again. Good news, I didn't go flying toward a wall. Bad news, I got stuck. This was not the time to discover how much foreign magic I have in my body, which seems to be an incredible amount.

White ceiling tiles equals hospital. That is one constant in my life.

"I see you are awake again." Why do doctors like to tell you stuff you already know? I looked at him with my best glare. I guess by his big grin that didn't work.

"What happened?" Information would be good. I would love to know what I was thinking when I pulled that stunt. I am trying to use my inner snake not my outer lion.

"First off, you didn't get de-inked as planned. Then you decided to try another cleansing. If you remember what happened the first time, the second was even more spectacular. It was quite the light show." My head was pounding. Did Finch think of a way to put a marching band inside my head? Why was my forehead bandaged up?

"What's with the bandage?" More information please.

"Your scar ripped open. It appeared like black smoke poured out of it." That would explain the pain and drum solo.

"So the prodigal son is still alive." Finch would arrive for the big finale. How did he fit a bass drum in here? I turn my best evil glare at him. It must have been really scaring because he turned pale. Oops. My magic is all out of whack right now.

"I'm not in a good mood right now. So don't try me." I grumbled. I would like to believe it came out as innocent boy being grumpy. I take a quick glance around the room. I think it came out as badass super wizard might kill you any moment kind of way. I pull my magic back in. I jumped when I noticed my bed was floating a few inches off the floor.

"So am I good to go?"

"I would advise you check in with St Mungo's." The doc was an alright guy. He didn't try and keep me in prison. On second thought, he sucks. That was a lot of potions he was giving me to take with me. I drank a few of them. Not sure what was in them now that I am on the pier. How did I get here again?

"Are you listening to me, my boy?" Oh look. Fudge is here again. I wonder how long he waited for me. I guess we were talking about something. That was some potion.

"Let's be on our way." I ordered as I walked toward the boat. I hope I said my goodbyes already. I would go do that now, but throwing up on someone is not a good way to say I'll miss you. A wave of emotion washed over me as I stepped on the boat. I could feel someone didn't want me to leave. I bet I was feeling Finch. He was going to miss his latest pet project.

I watched my new friends as the boat pulled away from the docks. I planned to wave as they shrunk into the distance. They weren't shrinking. I looked down to make sure we were moving. The boat was moving, but the island was being left behind. The waves were washing up on the docks. My friends were running for higher ground. Azkaban was not letting me leave. It was like a puppy following after me.

The boat started to pull away from the island. Guess the giant rock doesn't have enough horse power to keep up. I was going to escape after all. Pressure started to build in my gut. It wasn't like that hooking feeling of a portkey. This was more subtle. I think I might have some serious gas soon. I might be throwing up after all. I leaned over the railing so I didn't have to mop up the deck when it hit me. I am not sure who was more surprised me or Fudge. I saw him scream as I was ripped off the back of the boat.

Remember those giant metal sharks? I do. I really remember now that I am in the water with them. I thought they looked big before. Now they are truly gigantic.

"Oh SHITE!" I screamed. Have I ever mentioned that I don't know how to swim? Gilly weed doesn't really teach you as morph you into something that swims. My magic came to the rescue. This is something straight out of a cartoon. I am running on the top of the water with a bunch of metal man eating sharks chasing me. Feet don't let me down now. I dodge as one of sharks jumps from the water to my left. I leap over another as it comes up from under me. This might actually work. I wonder how I am doing this.

"Oh no." My magic walking feet failed. Have you ever wondered what your last thought would be before you die? I have seen my life flash before my eyes before. It really is exciting. Right now, I am thinking the cartoons are right. Never question the physics. Wow, that shark has a lot of teeth. I almost tried to count them as it sucked me into its stomach. This is neat. The teeth aren't touching me. They are just forcing me down the throat. I wonder what this looks like from a different point of view like from the back of a boat as the only guy who can save your bacon.

I am not sure how much time passed, but it is really comfy in here. It is dry and warm.  
The floor is even padded.

"Lord Potter." I was almost asleep too. I look around at the whole big house gang.

"That's me." When in doubt, plead insanity. I can get away with it after being eaten alive.

"Looks like you won't be leaving so soon after all." What is with old men and pointing out things you don't want to know? Dammit, I have a plan to follow!


End file.
